Me, Myself, I and HOT BLONDE!!!!!!!
Well, so it is a wonderful Wednesday afternoon. The sun is shining bright, a cool breeze is flowing and the atmosphere is fantastic. And why shouldn’t it be? I am totally screwed by my assignments and all these stupid people with me, with whom I was walking towards our engineering library, could think about was the fantastic weather. Well at this point I would like to emphasize on the fact that our University has got a total of six libraries, like my departmental head said – From now onwards each one of you is a brand ambassador of the University – and I am leaving no stone unturned in letting the world know about the greatness of my University. Anyways, so I was heading toward the library to return a book I had just broken my head on, and the rest were on their way towards the classes. So we parted ways by just saying a gentle bye, as opposed to the hugs and huddles we would have demonstrated had it been India. Well actually we didn’t even bother much about our public display of affection after coming to the States, but having seen two guys kiss in the middle of the streets some days back, we were so freaked out that we didn’t even walk within two feet of each other these days. Pretty bad as compared to when some other guys from our group managed to see two girls kiss at a club!! Damn!! Speaking of bad luck .. can it get any worse?
I kept thinking about how my luck had been kicking me at all the wrong times at all the wrong places, while I took the long walk back from the library to our apartments. But times were about to get better. Then the windows of change blew into my ears whispering ………. “Shhhhhh !! There’s a hot babe behind.. walk straight, stop ogling at other babes on the road and put up a face which makes you look an intellectual.” Well, that isn’t a difficult one for me as the intellectual I am from birth – lahanpanapasun – as I would say. So I kept walking at my normal pace and bid my time, as it would not be long before this babe would walk past me.
Finally after a few minutes this blond babe managed to overtake me, and the world went into “bullet time” (The Matrix style slow-motion). All I could now see was the sun reflecting a golden glare from her hair, and the wind blowing them such that I could see the visible tattoo on her neck/back. And like Shahrukh Khan would have it in “Main Hoon Na”, few people dressed in tuxedos jumped out of the bushes and started playing the violin in the background to the tune of “Dhagala Laagli Kala !!!!!” as the song would perfectly sum up my feeling at that point in time. And this was when I realized what various cultures over the face of the earth have tried telling us for generations, that a person’s mind has two sides – The good side and the evil side, very aptly summarized as The Angel and The Devil in masterpieces like the Tom and Jerry Cartoons. It was when I firsthand experienced the feeling that when a desirable object is within 5 meters of vicinity, the brain tries telling you two different things at the same time – one of which is futile but the right thing to do, while the other is corrupt but the fruitful thing to do. And it is during such times you end up doing something so dumb, which is neither the right thing to do, nor is it fruitful. So as soon as I saw her, the reaction from me and my two minds was:
Devil: WOW!!!! What an item!!!!!!!
Angel: WOW!!!! What an item!!!!!!
Me: WOW!!! What an item!!!!
Well while the two minds have contradicting thoughts most of the times, this was one time when all three of us, me included, had no disagreement on the fact that she was a HOT ITEM!! And for the next few moments I was so mesmerized by her beauty that I don’t remember what my two minds were trying to tell me, all I did was walk behind her while suddenly she turned towards my building. Guess what!! She was going in my building!!!
Devil: Quick, follow her .. Lets strike up an conversation, she looks quite friendly to me .. at least from behind.. ;-)
Angel: Yeah, like our lad here is some Brad Pitt who is going to run up to a female and strike up a conversation without her calling 911 and getting him deported back to India..
Me: !!!
Well at this point of time the thought of getting deported back to India suppressed all my inner urges to go and speak to her, so I just kept walking behind her towards our building.
And now imagine my luck, and it doesn’t have to be my bad luck everytime.. Even though she had arrived some 2-3 minutes before me at the elevators, she didn’t manage to get one before I arrived on the scene.
The Devil: Look man, even the Gods want you to go speak to the female, that’s why she didn’t get the lift. Now walk up to her, smile and say, “Hey, How you doin????”
Angel: Don’t listen to him and make a fool of yourself, just stay here .. wait for the lift and don’t open your mouth, which would then spoil your image even if you had one.
Me: ----- Zip locked my mouth --------
Finally after a wait of what seemed like an epoch, the elevator had arrived. In the meantime I had not opened my mouth even a quarter of an mm, neither had I tried to look at her and smile. I just kept looking towards the ground, waiting for this moment to pass by as soon as possible.
So she got into the lift, and so did I. She pressed the button for her floor and spoke:
HOT BLONDE: Which floor??
Me: [Instinctively] Fourth!
Me to myself: Now wait a sec, did this babe just speak to me???? Even more, was she nice to me?
Devil: See, I told you she totally digs you. Go ahead, “How you doin?”
Angel: Remember what Param-Pujya Dilip Oak Baba had said? Americans are just friendly. Don’t assume anything on her part.
Me: [Managed to blurt out in a very croaky voice] – THANK YOU..
HOT BLONDE: Hey, anyways I am going to the fourth as well, so not a problem at all.
Devil: You are going to lose your chance man, and then you blame luck for not giving you enough opportunities. I wish god had given this chance to someone else. At least it wouldn’t have been fruitless. Come on, speak something .. speak something.
Angel: Don’t listen to him, he’s just going to get you into trouble.
But now it was way too tempting to ignore what the devil was saying, he had a point indeed. But this good voice kept screaming into my head and the confusion was just too much to handle.
Me: So .. you an international student huh???
BLONDE: Huh????
Devil: WHAT???????
Angel: WHAT??????
Me to myself: WHHHAAAAAT????
How the hell did that come out? I mean imagine an Indian guy with a thick Anglo-Marathi accent in the United States of America asking a blonde babe whether she was an international student. What the hell was I thinking? Could it get more stupid than this? I should have listened to the Angel and shut up. It would have at least saved whatever teeny-meeny reputation I had here.
Devil: Cover it up, cover it up. Make up something .. say “How you doin??”
Angel: Enough embarrassment already, don’t listen to him, just shut the **** up, you moron.
Me: Well, actually this building is full of international students so I was wondering whether you are from abroad as well.
BLONDE: [Just smiled].
Angel: (Let a sigh of relief)Phew!! That was close.
Devil: Good one, my man.. you’re the one, and you’re all set to rock. Ever heard of the phrase – Strike the iron when it’s hot????
BLONDE: Yeah, even I was wondering the same thing. It’s all international students over here. Actually I’m from Chicago. Where are you from?
Angel: India!!!
Devil: Tell her, you’re from the land of the Kamasutra!!!
Me: INDIA!!!
BLONDE: Wow that’s nice..
In the meantime we had managed to reach the fourth floor. The door of the elevator had opened, and while I was trying to get out of the lift, there was a moron who was trying to enter the lift with a vacuum cleaner even before we had come out of it. And this was not all, my two minds were not leaving me alone either.
Angel: Okay, that’s enough for one day, say bye and let’s get the hell out of here.
Devil: No way marine, you haven’t come this far to let go so easily. Keep the conversation running. Don’t let it die out. You still haven’t said “How you doin?”, the conversation isn’t complete without it.
Me: [Partially agreeing with the devil, and avoiding the crazy vacuum cleaner guy at the same time] So.. which department are you from?
It was my safest bet, as I’ve realized after coming here that the easiest way to act smart in from of a babe is by telling her that I’ve come here to do my Masters in Computer Science, which would get any female well impressed.
BLONDE: Excuse me? I’m sorry I didn’t get that.
And there comes my Anglo-Marathi accent in the picture. She couldn’t understand my pronunciation of the word “department”. And neither did I understand that here you’ve to ask “Which school?” as every department is a different school. Anyways I didn’t realize it then .. so I go again.
Me: What’s your department?
She: Ohh .. 499 .. pointing in some direction.
Me: ????
A long silence of 2-3 seconds. It was after this time I realized that she had read my pronunciation of “Department” as “Apartment” and she was telling me her apartment number, and was pointing in the same direction.
The devil: Good going man, you rock. Get more details, ask her if she’s free tonight. Ask if you could go over for coffee today evening. She’s giving you her apartment number dude.
Angel: Get it cleared at this instant, that you had nothing to do with her apartment number. Don’t give her any ideas, she might think that you asked for her apartment number even before you asked her name. FIX IT MORON!!
Me: No, no, no, noooooooo …. No ..
And after a couple hundred more No’s ..
Me: I meant “De-partment”.
BLONDE: Oh you mean school??? Ohhhkkk.. I’m doing Journalism.
Now this, according to me, was the conversation breaker. It turned out as the stupidest thing I could have done. While I wanted to impress her by showing here that’s I’m an intellectual Computer Science student, it’s actually the journalism school here which is one of the top school in the entire USA. She had totally swept me over, she was one of the most brilliant minds on campus. And once again I was so overwhelmed by the atmosphere that I could hear any on my minds.. Maybe they had been muted as well.
Me: [Again blurting in a low voice]: Well that’s like the best school on campus.
She: Pleease, you’re just being nice.
Me: ( Just shaking my head indicating a “NO, I’m not”. )
She: Which school are you in?
Me: (In an even lower voice) – Computer Science.
She: Hey, that’s cool.
It didn’t seem quite cool to me now. Again my minds had come out of their brief coma.
Angel: Haven’t you made a fool enough of yourself already? Let go home now.
Devil: I agree, you gotta get out of here dude. Turn around and RUUUNNNNNNNN !!!!!!
Me: [Agreeing to both of them] Anyways, it was nice meeting you. Have a nice day!!
She: Nice meeting you too, take care, bye.
And then we parted.. No hugs, no huddles.. which I wouldn’t have minded in this case. But I was just glad that she hadn’t ripped my intellect to shreds. As I made the long walk through the corridor back to my apartment, I was listening to both the voices telling me what I did wrong and what should I have done. And I was just glad that I had my first encounter of getting introduced to a hot babe on my own. That too a HOT, SMART and INTELLIGENT BLONDE. I was kind of on a roll here.
But wait a sec!!! .. Yeah you guessed it right, if you know me properly you must be dead sure that I must have made a dreadful mistake. And I won’t disappoint you my dear friends. In all the final confusion, I forgot to ask her name. Typical Veerendra .. Right?
Now it has been almost 2 weeks from the incident, I think I saw that babe 2-3 times since then, but there are so many HOT BLONDES here that you just can’t be sure. I try checking for the tattoo on the neck but I just can’t get a proper look to be sure. Anyways I am just glad for this another first time of a new sort, which has left me with a sweet memory and an apartment number.
HIGH FIVE!!! ;-)
