Truck Dhina Dhin.

My fascination with trucks goes back to the days of Terminator-2. This was when the T-1000 (Mercury-Guy) chases Arnold, who is riding a Harley Davidson, and still catches up with the Harley with immense ease. This was the first time when I felt the amazing power granted to the person behind the wheels of these vehicles. In India, since childhood we were used to see trucks totally overloaded, managing to barely crawl their way through traffic not leaving much differences to spot between them and bullock carts. However this was different, it was the first time I felt awestruck by a truck. And then it started, I started noticing trucks along with all the other luxury cars shown in all the Hollywood movies. Well we did try showing our own Indian trucks pulling off some stunts in Bollywood movies, but those didn’t really seem logically plausible. The most memorable one was in the movie “Road”, when Manoj Bajpai chases a Tata Safari driven by Vivek Oberoi and rams the truck into the Safari. At that scene even my pet cats stopped watching the movie. Anyway, moving on, then came numerous Hollywood movies presenting a show-stopping display of the power of their trucks in their movies like Terminator-3, Die Hard-4, Transformers to name a few. So when I arrived here in the US, along with the Audi’s, the BMW’s, the Merc’s, the Lexus’s and countless more awesome cars I was also impressed by the trucks which I got to see. On my way to Columbia, I saw numerous trucks some big, some bigger, some huge, some humongous, some driven by women, and all of them nicely lit so that everyone can identify them accurately in the night. Obvious cause they are powerful, fast and quiet. And that is when American Trucks got added to my list of things to photograph in the States, in order to send back home, along with the other cars and the hot babes. ;-)

Over the next few months, I never really got a chance to photograph anything impromptu. Partly cause I don’t own a camera (Yes I don’t, no need to give that expression of surprise) and partly because none of my friends who have a camera carry it around everywhere. So when we decided to take a trip to the Lake of Ozarks, I was the one who suggested Sandeep to take his $550 camera (excluding accessories) so that we could take lots of pictures of us and the cars on the road. As Sandeep was going to do the driving, it was me who had all the exclusive rights to the photo coverage of the trip. So as soon as our trip commenced, I started off on a clicking spree shooting everything that moves or does not move or in short, everything. Sandeep in the mean time was busy driving at the maximum speed limit of 70 MPH and even then somehow we were the slowest car on the road. The tomato red, Ford Focus (OURS), speeding at 70 in the right lane and still all other cars were cruising past us from the other lane. Damn! That makes you feel like a loser already. Still I kept urging to keep the car below the maximum limit. Much better to get overtaken by even the most pathetic pick-ups on the road, than shell out $100 to the cops.

Soon the trip became merry as the sound system of the car was awesome, Sandeep got to do what he likes the most – drive. Nitali got to do what she likes the most – gossip with Sandeep. Santosh got to do what he likes the most – listen to senti songs of Aashiqui on the iPod. And me? I was reminding Sandeep of the speed limit, gossiping with Nitali, listening to songs with Santosh and doing all these low-priority tasks while taking snaps at a rate of 22 snaps per second. Why 22?? Try Wikipedia.

Suddenly there it was - a bottle green truck, much more magnificent than any I have ever got to photograph and it was right in front of us. I immediately told Sandeep to drive past him at the smoothest pace that he could manage so that I could get a steady shot. As we passed by the truck, we were looking in awe at the mere size of it. It was so huge that our car was just the size of its two wheels put side by side. As we overtook it, I managed to get the perfect shot.

I was so happy that I started showing everyone my brilliance in the art of photography. In the meantime, the truck driver saw me take a snap and was wondering why I was taking snaps of the vehicle. Now such a truck however magnificent it was for me was still a very normal thing for an American like him. His thoughts were running haywire and I bet he thought we were either planning to blow up his truck, or rob his truck or God knows what else was going on through his mind. Me on the other hand/car was thinking about taking more snaps in order to get the perfect shot. I turned around and took 2 more shots of his truck. Now he went mad, he started gaining on us in order to make us pull over and ask for an explanation. We saw the truck driver gaining on us. I was even more happy cause I was getting better shots, which drove him even more mad. On a highway of 70, we were doing 70 and he was doing 90. And what better time that this for Sandeep’s self respect to kick in. Sandeep announced – In my living history, I have never had a truck overtake me and it shall never happen in the future – and started driving as fast as he could. This was it for the truck driver, first we were taking snaps and now we were not letting him overtake. He used all the muscle of his machine and came up to our side. This was when we realized that it wasn’t a good idea to challenge his ride with ours. Sandeep relaxed on the steering wheel and we allowed the truck driver to pass. And all this while, I was still taking snaps of the truck.

Now it was his time to get on top, after overtaking us he came into our lane and started slowing down. We tried overtaking him and he immediately came into our lane. We tried overtaking from the other side, he came into that lane as well. So we stayed in his lane for some time and then he started stopping the truck. That is when we realized that this guy was making us pullover. Now why would this guy want to make us pullover, was the question we were asking us. Maybe he was upset cause of the snaps, maybe he was upset because he wasn’t allowed to overtake us but like my knowledge had been enriched from the Hollywood movies, all I could think about was the movie – The Fast and The Furious – when the truck driver is carrying a shotgun, because there are cases of thefts on trucks, and when he shoots the crap out of Vin Diesel’s friend. Then someone managed to look at the terrain outside which was lonely till miles away, maybe he was going to mug us. Maybe he had unwanted stuff in the vehicle and would break the camera; it would cost me $550 + accessories as I was the one holding it. All these thoughts were running in our minds when Sandeep decided he had had enough. The truck had come to a standstill, so Sandeep immediately stepped on the accelerator and tried zooming past the truck. Now it was enough for the truck driver, as soon as he saw us overtake him. He tried to catch up with us. However the heavy load of the truck and the automatic transmission did not allow him to gain speed that fast. Before he could start driving at a decent speed, we were almost a mile away from him.

But I was sure that he would catch up and then what would happen, I dared not think about it. And then Sandeep had a revelation to offer. He hadn’t taken insurance for the car. The rest of the people immediately had their fingernails inside their respective mouths. For the next few minutes our driver drove steadily at 70. And I watched steadily out of rear window for any signs of an approaching bottle green truck which didn’t seem so awesome now. The others got pretty relaxed by now, but I was sure that he would return. And he did, soon we saw him come up from the past the horizon. This was too much for us, we told Sandeep to pull up into a gas station of a nearby town as at least there would be someone around in case this guy came to mug us or tried to kill us. But Sandeep kept insisting that if anything goes wrong we can call 911. Yeah right! As if they would be waiting for our call and would turn up as soon as we called them. But no one could convince Sandeep, he kept driving on. It was not long before he caught up with us again, this time I dared not take any snaps or he would have rammed his truck into our tiny car. We let him pass and he drove on without any signs of wanting to stop us. Now we were really relieved. But Mr. Driver now got more excited and wanted to overtake him one more time. This time when we were overtaking him I saw him gesturing to me through the window. My knowledge of movies made me realize that this was a gesture to pull over. I told everyone that he’s telling us to pull over. After a minute of mutual discussion, we decided to pull over and get this done with. We pulled over to the side of the road and he pulled over a couple of meters behind. And while we were stopping Sandeep forgot to put the handbrake on and the car moved a little. We thought that was it .. the truck has rammed into us from behind!! We looked back but the truck was quite far away. So we properly applied the handbrakes and waited for the truck driver to come out. I was more worried that he might be having a gun, so I wanted him to get down before I got out of the vehicle.

After a few moments of struggling with his door, the truck driver got out of his truck. He seemed in his forties and was huge. He was wearing the type of dress Hardy wears from Laurel and Hardy. Only that he was twice as big as Hardy. We on the other hand, Santosh, Sandeep and me, were the size of Laurel – combined. He came towards us and walked straight towards me. I was holding the camera tight, in case he tried to break it.

Truck Driver: Hey, why the hell are you taking snaps of my truck man?
Sandeep: We are new to this country and this guy (pointing to me) is taking snaps of everything around here.
Truck Driver: [to me]: Why are you taken photographs of my truck man?
Me: [Looking at him]: That’s cause I’ve never seen such a big .. [realizing my mistake and looking towards the truck] truck in my life.
Truck Driver: What is that? A digital camera?? You’ve got film in there??
I took 2 steps to keep a safe distance from him.
Sandeep: Yeah it’s a digital camera.
At that point I was just glad that Sandeep didn’t start giving specification of the camera including the filters.
Truck Driver: So did you take photographs or did you take a video of my truck?
Me:[From outside hurting range, showing him the photos]: Just photographs .. See.
Sandeep: We can delete them if you didn’t like them.
I pressed the camera against my chest gesturing “NO WAYS!!”
Truck Driver didn’t say anything.
We looked at each other for a couple of moments, before the truck driver set off on his way towards his truck mumbling on his way back .. “Just wondering why the hell you were taking snaps of my truck man!!”
Santosh: Have a good day!!

We waited till he reached the truck, lest that he should turn back and start shooting at us. Then when he reached his truck we ran to our car and started moving before he could ram his truck into our car. Soon we were on our way to the Lake of Ozarks. Thankfully we didn’t see the truck for the rest of our journey. We didn’t realize that the stereo wasn’t on for the remaining journey, and I had tucked the camera safely far beyond my reach so that my urge to photograph wouldn’t take over me again. The others soon started chit-chatting among themselves, and a visibly shaken me could just manage one sentence.

“I’m never photographing trucks in my life ever again!!!!”.

LIFE IN A DISCO

...

The most memorable experiences in life co-incidentally are also the most unexpected ones. That is one thing which has struck me in my vast array of experiences in life. Who would expect that last Saturday, when I was surely going to miss the celebration of the Indian community here in Columbia, would turn out to be such a blast? Well, I am scheduled to work every Saturday and all the cultural events have been organized on Saturdays. First I missed the function called India Nite, which was a cultural event filled with songs, dances, merriment and entertainment, which i got to know from people as I wasn’t there. Then I missed the Diwali Dinner, where there was going to be more entertainment and Indian food (My weak point), and I was going to miss it all. I come back from my job, frustrated from standing for 6 straight hours and then cleaning the entire dining complex and to top it doing all these things while the rest were having a gala time at the Diwali Dinner.

So Santosh comes back from the party, and tells me: “ Get dressed dude, we are going out!!”. I look at the clock .. 11:00 PM. But I didn’t care, the day was very frustrating and I didn’t even ask where we were going. Actually we were going to Déjà vu, one of the hottest clubs in town. I never expected such an awesome way to end my day. So within an hour’s time, we were at the gates of the club (10 mins for me to get ready and the rest 50 mins for the girls). And before we went in, Uday told Santosh to take off the hood of his sweater, off his head. Now I was wondering, what the hell is the connection between the hood and entering the club! But to my amazement, I saw a sign out which said, Please do not wear any headgear in the club, except for baseball hats worn straight! No hooded clothing permitted inside. What!! What were they expecting ? Jaadu from Koi Mil Gaya showing up in the club and fainting due to lack of sunshine?????? Anyways, so we entered the club and it did seriously look like a spaceship, just a lot cooler!! (considering the spaceships from Shaktimaan)

Inside the club it was a totally different world in itself. Before entering the club, the atmosphere was cold and chilly, however a couple of passport checks and $5 entrance fees later I felt as if I had come to a totally different planet. The natural environment here consisted of a warm cozy habitat accompanied with loud acoustics interrupted intermittently by the harsh vocals of the DJ. The entire audience was swaying to the beats which were at his mercy. He was the king, ruling his subjects and making them dance to his wish, simply by the touch of a button - actually a lot of buttons and switches. So after we bowed down before the immense power that he possessed, we made a move to the bar. On the way, we noticed the security arrangements. At every strategic point which could be a possible melee venue, were posted huge and I mean really really huge gladiators, casually also referred to as the bouncers. Actually the fascination of WWE wrestlers made my mouth open in awe as I watched their physical presence. People made sure they had their personal space, and no one dared entered vicinity. And so when I realized that I was gazing at them, I made sure that I got out of there as fast as I can, lest they think that I was some mischief maker or even worse in case someone misinterpreted my awestruck look as a sign of interest.

So we headed straight to the bar counter which was the Wall Street of the club. All the people were screaming their orders to the bartender who kept repeating to everyone, “You’ll have to say that a little louder, please”. I guess this was a tactic to make them thirstier, and convert it into more revenues for this self dependent economy. So everyone grabbed whatever they wanted to, no physical references here, and we headed straight for the attraction of the club, the dance floor. However I was too tired to dance, so I took a seat on a nearby table, keeping guard of all the jackets and the drink of a friend. Soon all my friends blended into the jungle while I sat far away from the crowd, watching the moves of each and every species in the habitat.

I watched as everyone was high in their own world, girls and guys alike were dancing as if no one was watching them, and they didn’t care even if anyone was. Then there were these two babes who felt the sudden urge to climb atop the bar table and start their own performance. They were pretty good at it. One of them urged her boyfriend to come on top of the table and just as he was about to climb the table the bouncer pushed him off, just hinting by a gesture that no guys on tables. Now this is particularly true about the bouncer species that they never seem to speak. The entire time they are standing with their hands folded, yet they managed a real-time response of less than 100ms when a situation seemed to be going out of hand. Coming back to the topic, I thought, where in the world has gone the concept of equality? The guys being equal to the girls and all that feminist talk? But then I realized.. why would I want guys crowding the table tops when two more girls can take up that place??? So I cheered loudly as that guy was pushed from the table. And all of a sudden one bouncer came towards me. I thought, it seems to be end of the ride for me as this guy was going to throw me out. He was not quite tall .. just “six” feet and heavily built, he looked like a hippo who had put on a black shirt. But to my relief he had come to pick up empty glasses of people who had not bothered to throw them or half-full glasses of people who had forgotten where their drinks were. He walked over to me and he spoke, yes he spoke, in fact he boomed.. “Is that drink yours?”, then I remembered about the friends drink on the table in front of me. I tried saying yes, but nothing seemed like I had a vocal cord malfunction. I just managed a slight nod and he understood. They surely are experts of non-verbal communication.

But in a short time I was going to witness the star attraction of the night. At the center of the stage was a group of women wildly enjoying the party! One of them was wearing a bride’s headdress so I guessed that they must be having a bachelor’s party. However it was their company which was stealing all the light. It was a male doll with enhanced masculine features, elongated masculine features to be precise. This was too much for me, a group of heavy-weight women enjoying the party with their blessed friend and I was sitting here instead of enjoying the party. So I hit the dance floor with the enthusiasm which was still well short of theirs but was quite a lot for me. I joined the group and danced my heart out, the loud music on the dance floor surely went to the head and made me forget everything about the past or the future. I was high just by the beats and the songs were surely catching up. There were more observations for me on the dance floor than off it. There was this guy who was surely looking gay, who kept dancing his way into groups of guys and then as guys gave him weird looks, retreating his way back to his original location. The bachelor’s party was still working full swing with no signs of fatigue which was impressive considering the Body-Mass-Index. Suddenly there seemed to be this sudden dearth of feminine life form on the dance-floor. On further investigation I realized that all the girls were heading for the table on which only girls were allowed to dance. The DJ clinching this opportunity played the song “I kissed a girl and I liked it” sung by a girl. The crowd went wild and it went wilder when all the 7-8 girls started dancing synchronously to the beats of the song. Everyone was enjoying it when one of the bachelor’s party heavyweights went aboard the table. It took two bouncers, who managed to carry well grown adults out of the club with just one hand, to help this lady on to the table. Very soon the 7-8 hot chicks were replaced by four members of the bachelor party and their plastic friend.

Witnessing this bizarre debacle of interest in the on-table performance, we resumed our dance floor gymnastics trying to make sure that we don’t get carried away by the beats and start a Ganpati dance over there. We were towards the end of the night and the couple dance disintegrated into a free-for-all. People started scattering across the dance floor, however there was this one particular group of girls that impressed me. One of the girls was so drunk that she didn’t realize where she was and what she was doing, however her two other female friends were keeping her away from all the unwanted prowlers who tried to dance with her and on one occasion even asked a guy to maintain a safe distance. But we didn’t mind females who were slowly drifting into our group, and soon it was just Sandeep and I left to take care of all on the dance floor. All of a sudden I felt a hand on my head. I looked behind to check who it was.. to find a girl had accidentally put her hand on my head. So I resumed my dance, but the boyfriend of that girl was in a playful mood, the second time he put his hand on my head. Both of them were well over 6 feet so it wasn’t a problem for either. I looked behind with an amused look but he had more surprises in stock for me. He started pushing his girlfriend onto me, and she was falling over me. I wouldn’t have minded her under normal circumstances, but with her boyfriend right behind her I had no clue what to do. Thankfully this stopped pretty soon, and I forgot about it even sooner as two hot girls joined us from the other side. But before we could praise our luck, the rest of the gang came back to the dance floor and the girls slowly drifted out of focus. Soon enough, the last song of the night was played and before we knew it, it was over. The entire crowd dispersed, and the lively ecosystem was now a barren desert. We made our way out of the club, the chill outside felt more pleasant now. After all it was one more first experience, it was the first time I visited a club in the United States!!!!!!!

Me, Myself, I and HOT BLONDE!!!!!!!

Well, so it is a wonderful Wednesday afternoon. The sun is shining bright, a cool breeze is flowing and the atmosphere is fantastic. And why shouldn’t it be? I am totally screwed by my assignments and all these stupid people with me, with whom I was walking towards our engineering library, could think about was the fantastic weather. Well at this point I would like to emphasize on the fact that our University has got a total of six libraries, like my departmental head said – From now onwards each one of you is a brand ambassador of the University – and I am leaving no stone unturned in letting the world know about the greatness of my University. Anyways, so I was heading toward the library to return a book I had just broken my head on, and the rest were on their way towards the classes. So we parted ways by just saying a gentle bye, as opposed to the hugs and huddles we would have demonstrated had it been India. Well actually we didn’t even bother much about our public display of affection after coming to the States, but having seen two guys kiss in the middle of the streets some days back, we were so freaked out that we didn’t even walk within two feet of each other these days. Pretty bad as compared to when some other guys from our group managed to see two girls kiss at a club!! Damn!! Speaking of bad luck .. can it get any worse?

I kept thinking about how my luck had been kicking me at all the wrong times at all the wrong places, while I took the long walk back from the library to our apartments. But times were about to get better. Then the windows of change blew into my ears whispering ………. “Shhhhhh !! There’s a hot babe behind.. walk straight, stop ogling at other babes on the road and put up a face which makes you look an intellectual.” Well, that isn’t a difficult one for me as the intellectual I am from birth – lahanpanapasun – as I would say. So I kept walking at my normal pace and bid my time, as it would not be long before this babe would walk past me.

Finally after a few minutes this blond babe managed to overtake me, and the world went into “bullet time” (The Matrix style slow-motion). All I could now see was the sun reflecting a golden glare from her hair, and the wind blowing them such that I could see the visible tattoo on her neck/back. And like Shahrukh Khan would have it in “Main Hoon Na”, few people dressed in tuxedos jumped out of the bushes and started playing the violin in the background to the tune of “Dhagala Laagli Kala !!!!!” as the song would perfectly sum up my feeling at that point in time. And this was when I realized what various cultures over the face of the earth have tried telling us for generations, that a person’s mind has two sides – The good side and the evil side, very aptly summarized as The Angel and The Devil in masterpieces like the Tom and Jerry Cartoons. It was when I firsthand experienced the feeling that when a desirable object is within 5 meters of vicinity, the brain tries telling you two different things at the same time – one of which is futile but the right thing to do, while the other is corrupt but the fruitful thing to do. And it is during such times you end up doing something so dumb, which is neither the right thing to do, nor is it fruitful. So as soon as I saw her, the reaction from me and my two minds was:

Devil: WOW!!!! What an item!!!!!!!

Angel: WOW!!!! What an item!!!!!!

Me: WOW!!! What an item!!!!

Well while the two minds have contradicting thoughts most of the times, this was one time when all three of us, me included, had no disagreement on the fact that she was a HOT ITEM!! And for the next few moments I was so mesmerized by her beauty that I don’t remember what my two minds were trying to tell me, all I did was walk behind her while suddenly she turned towards my building. Guess what!! She was going in my building!!!

Devil: Quick, follow her .. Lets strike up an conversation, she looks quite friendly to me .. at least from behind.. ;-)

Angel: Yeah, like our lad here is some Brad Pitt who is going to run up to a female and strike up a conversation without her calling 911 and getting him deported back to India..

Me: !!!

Well at this point of time the thought of getting deported back to India suppressed all my inner urges to go and speak to her, so I just kept walking behind her towards our building.

And now imagine my luck, and it doesn’t have to be my bad luck everytime.. Even though she had arrived some 2-3 minutes before me at the elevators, she didn’t manage to get one before I arrived on the scene.

The Devil: Look man, even the Gods want you to go speak to the female, that’s why she didn’t get the lift. Now walk up to her, smile and say, “Hey, How you doin????”

Angel: Don’t listen to him and make a fool of yourself, just stay here .. wait for the lift and don’t open your mouth, which would then spoil your image even if you had one.

Me: ----- Zip locked my mouth --------

Finally after a wait of what seemed like an epoch, the elevator had arrived. In the meantime I had not opened my mouth even a quarter of an mm, neither had I tried to look at her and smile. I just kept looking towards the ground, waiting for this moment to pass by as soon as possible.

So she got into the lift, and so did I. She pressed the button for her floor and spoke:

HOT BLONDE: Which floor??

Me: [Instinctively] Fourth!

Me to myself: Now wait a sec, did this babe just speak to me???? Even more, was she nice to me?

Devil: See, I told you she totally digs you. Go ahead, “How you doin?”

Angel: Remember what Param-Pujya Dilip Oak Baba had said? Americans are just friendly. Don’t assume anything on her part.

Me: [Managed to blurt out in a very croaky voice] – THANK YOU..

HOT BLONDE: Hey, anyways I am going to the fourth as well, so not a problem at all.

Devil: You are going to lose your chance man, and then you blame luck for not giving you enough opportunities. I wish god had given this chance to someone else. At least it wouldn’t have been fruitless. Come on, speak something .. speak something.

Angel: Don’t listen to him, he’s just going to get you into trouble.

But now it was way too tempting to ignore what the devil was saying, he had a point indeed. But this good voice kept screaming into my head and the confusion was just too much to handle.

Me: So .. you an international student huh???

BLONDE: Huh????

Devil: WHAT???????

Angel: WHAT??????

Me to myself: WHHHAAAAAT????

How the hell did that come out? I mean imagine an Indian guy with a thick Anglo-Marathi accent in the United States of America asking a blonde babe whether she was an international student. What the hell was I thinking? Could it get more stupid than this? I should have listened to the Angel and shut up. It would have at least saved whatever teeny-meeny reputation I had here.

Devil: Cover it up, cover it up. Make up something .. say “How you doin??”

Angel: Enough embarrassment already, don’t listen to him, just shut the **** up, you moron.

Me: Well, actually this building is full of international students so I was wondering whether you are from abroad as well.

BLONDE: [Just smiled].

Angel: (Let a sigh of relief)Phew!! That was close.

Devil: Good one, my man.. you’re the one, and you’re all set to rock. Ever heard of the phrase – Strike the iron when it’s hot????

BLONDE: Yeah, even I was wondering the same thing. It’s all international students over here. Actually I’m from Chicago. Where are you from?

Angel: India!!!

Devil: Tell her, you’re from the land of the Kamasutra!!!

Me: INDIA!!!

BLONDE: Wow that’s nice..

In the meantime we had managed to reach the fourth floor. The door of the elevator had opened, and while I was trying to get out of the lift, there was a moron who was trying to enter the lift with a vacuum cleaner even before we had come out of it. And this was not all, my two minds were not leaving me alone either.

Angel: Okay, that’s enough for one day, say bye and let’s get the hell out of here.

Devil: No way marine, you haven’t come this far to let go so easily. Keep the conversation running. Don’t let it die out. You still haven’t said “How you doin?”, the conversation isn’t complete without it.

Me: [Partially agreeing with the devil, and avoiding the crazy vacuum cleaner guy at the same time] So.. which department are you from?

It was my safest bet, as I’ve realized after coming here that the easiest way to act smart in from of a babe is by telling her that I’ve come here to do my Masters in Computer Science, which would get any female well impressed.

BLONDE: Excuse me? I’m sorry I didn’t get that.

And there comes my Anglo-Marathi accent in the picture. She couldn’t understand my pronunciation of the word “department”. And neither did I understand that here you’ve to ask “Which school?” as every department is a different school. Anyways I didn’t realize it then .. so I go again.

Me: What’s your department?

She: Ohh .. 499 .. pointing in some direction.

Me: ????

A long silence of 2-3 seconds. It was after this time I realized that she had read my pronunciation of “Department” as “Apartment” and she was telling me her apartment number, and was pointing in the same direction.

The devil: Good going man, you rock. Get more details, ask her if she’s free tonight. Ask if you could go over for coffee today evening. She’s giving you her apartment number dude.

Angel: Get it cleared at this instant, that you had nothing to do with her apartment number. Don’t give her any ideas, she might think that you asked for her apartment number even before you asked her name. FIX IT MORON!!

Me: No, no, no, noooooooo …. No ..

And after a couple hundred more No’s ..

Me: I meant “De-partment”.

BLONDE: Oh you mean school??? Ohhhkkk.. I’m doing Journalism.

Now this, according to me, was the conversation breaker. It turned out as the stupidest thing I could have done. While I wanted to impress her by showing here that’s I’m an intellectual Computer Science student, it’s actually the journalism school here which is one of the top school in the entire USA. She had totally swept me over, she was one of the most brilliant minds on campus. And once again I was so overwhelmed by the atmosphere that I could hear any on my minds.. Maybe they had been muted as well.

Me: [Again blurting in a low voice]: Well that’s like the best school on campus.

She: Pleease, you’re just being nice.

Me: ( Just shaking my head indicating a “NO, I’m not”. )

She: Which school are you in?

Me: (In an even lower voice) – Computer Science.

She: Hey, that’s cool.

It didn’t seem quite cool to me now. Again my minds had come out of their brief coma.

Angel: Haven’t you made a fool enough of yourself already? Let go home now.

Devil: I agree, you gotta get out of here dude. Turn around and RUUUNNNNNNNN !!!!!!

Me: [Agreeing to both of them] Anyways, it was nice meeting you. Have a nice day!!

She: Nice meeting you too, take care, bye.

And then we parted.. No hugs, no huddles.. which I wouldn’t have minded in this case. But I was just glad that she hadn’t ripped my intellect to shreds. As I made the long walk through the corridor back to my apartment, I was listening to both the voices telling me what I did wrong and what should I have done. And I was just glad that I had my first encounter of getting introduced to a hot babe on my own. That too a HOT, SMART and INTELLIGENT BLONDE. I was kind of on a roll here.

But wait a sec!!! .. Yeah you guessed it right, if you know me properly you must be dead sure that I must have made a dreadful mistake. And I won’t disappoint you my dear friends. In all the final confusion, I forgot to ask her name. Typical Veerendra .. Right?

Now it has been almost 2 weeks from the incident, I think I saw that babe 2-3 times since then, but there are so many HOT BLONDES here that you just can’t be sure. I try checking for the tattoo on the neck but I just can’t get a proper look to be sure. Anyways I am just glad for this another first time of a new sort, which has left me with a sweet memory and an apartment number.

HIGH FIVE!!! ;-)

**** FIRST FLIGHT ****

A lot of things happen for the first time in your life, however when you have too many of such first times that is when you term it as a shock. Furthermore when you have too many such shocks, that is when you realize that you are in America !!!!!

14th of July 2008 - A young lad rejoiced when a hot female VISA officer said, "Congratulations, you'll get your VISA in a few days". In case you haven't realized that young lad was me, Veerendra aka Veeru aka Veerya. I would have added more adjectives like hot, intelligent, smart, brilliant, witty etc etc, but I guess you were smart enough to understand that from the name itself. Anyway, so when I got my VISA my happiness knew no bounds, the whole atmosphere became merry, Mumbai suddenly seemed heaven to me and all I could think about was, how I had managed to scrape through each and every obstacle between me and my dream of studying in America. In a few days I would be pursuing my goal of pursuing MS. However little did I know that time what fate had in store for me and the Americans as well.


Fast-forward to the 9th of Aug 2008: My near and dear ones had come to the airport to see me off. It was the first time that I was ever traveling by an aeroplane and the first of the many firsts that I was going to witness henceforth on this educational and/or embarrassing trip. I bade a final goodbye to my cellphone which I handed over to my brother for care-taking, forever. Made a final few calls to all the people who couldn't come with me to the airport and headed towards the airport entrance. But wait a sec, how the hell does this cart steer ?? It was my first time with a cart as well. After struggling for a few minutes with the cart, I managed to get the gist of it's maneuverability and then I was moving about like an auto-rickshaw in heavy traffic. :)
Moving on, inside the airport we had a humbling experience with not knowing where to go next, not knowing what to do next and spending an hour in the duty-free shop with people staring at us with the "First time at the airport?" look. So finally after getting our cabin luggage checked twice and our shoes removed thrice, we finally got aboard the plane. I got the directions to my seat and there I sat all ready for my first trip aboard an aeroplane.

Before the plane even took off, I had a proper look at all the gadgets at my disposal. First on my chair was a small pillow, which I correctly identified. Then there was a shawl, which i thought was a life jacket and hence tucked it below my seat. And finally there was a remote. Oh lord, I am thankful to thee who gave humans the idea to fit tiny LCD screens behind every seat in an plane. That was the only thing that got me through the 16 hours of cramped legs and the grouchy female sitting beside me. An engineer by heart, I managed to decrypt the utility of the remote in minutes, I then glanced over to the grouchy female to my left who was still trying to figure out how the remote worked and gave her a "I pity you human !!" look. Then came the air-hostess handing out headphones. Now as a first-time passenger what do you do ?? You guessed it right .. look at the other people, whether they are paying for it or just grabbing one for free. When you are dead sure that the headphones are handed out free, then say "Yes, thank you!!!". The same logic applies to everything else that is handed out by the airline staff. That was why I missed my first round of cold-drinks as I didn't see anyone grab a coke before me. But better miss one round than pay money for it.. Right? Well, so where was I? Yeah .. the headphones. It turned out a bit humiliating when I had just given my neighbour so much attitude and now I couldn't find the socket where the connection for the headphone went in .. Ooops!!! This is when my buddy Santosh comes in. Well, he was with me all the time as both of us have come to the same university, but all this time I was so awed by the entire first-time flying experience that I forgot what all he did in the meanwhile. Anyways, he came to the rescue in time as he found out the socket before the girl managed to :) .. So again I gave her the "How cool am I !!!" look and plugged the headphones in and started my journey to the United States of America, one movie at a time.

So my plane set off from my motherland, taking me to a new land of new people and new experiences. All I could think of at that time was about, how much love and affection I have received from everyone back in India and when would be the next time I would get to meet all of them. Friends and foe, all have been equally close to me in the good 25 years of my life spent here and I was missing it all already. I kept reminding myself that I will complete my education as soon as possible and head back home to all the people who care for me, and whom i consider not just my friends but my family. And finally I was wondering that why on earth had I been through the duty free perfume shop, spraying each and every perfume on my shirt, which had now given my shirt a stink which made me want to puke.

Anyway, after a good 16 hours and 4 movies, the pilot announced that we were all set to enter our destination country. So here we were ..In the land of Hollywood, the hometown of WWE, etc etc .. on the brink of a new journey in life. Life has lots of challenges planned for us, and each obstacle will uncover more first experiences, some of them have already happened and I shall be updating them soon.

THE CHRONICLES OF MALSHEJ!!

It has been a really long time since my last post. My entire world has changed in the past 2 years. I guess this is the time when you are 2-3 years into your professional career and you start to realize that life has many more dimensions to it than just coming and slogging in office.

So then your priorities in life start changing: Instead of coming early to office to complete the pending work of the previous night, people come early to reserve the pool table - this happens because of the work saturation.

Ambitions start changing: Previously we wanted to just manhandle some irritating pricks, whereas now we want to strangulate them, chop off their limbs, neatly parcel each and every organ and mail it to each and every corner of the earth so that even if GOD sends them back from the dead, they may never come back in one-piece. This happens firstly because we have so much time on our hands that innovation creeps into every task that we undertake and secondly because some people have become so damn unbearable that it seems highly unlikely that just killing them will rid us off the trouble.

Your English starts changing: Well not everybody’s does, but as I took the GRE some days back ostentatious indecipherable words have somehow seeped into my vocabulary which has made my communication not just cryptic but also vexing. And while I personally bemoan the usage of such pompous speech, I can’t disregard the effort I spent trying to fuse them into my vocabulary. Hence in case you see any tawdry word in the following compilation, gracefully acknowledge my humongous effort and move on.

But the one thing that does not change is your friends. Well some may argue that most of our friends change during this exact period as all those who looked like natives of famine struck places of Somalia, today look like the pot-bellied merchants of Surat. So I would like to clear it in advance my change was only limited to the inside of the person. (“Inside” in this context refers to the soul of the person, so don’t start ripping off the clothes of your friends to check whether he’s still the same from inside :P). Anyways the reason why your friends haven’t changed is that they are exactly in the same boat as you are, they are equally frustrated about the boredom at work, equally mad at the organizations which are not paying them enough, and each of them has at least one person around them whom they would like to rip open with their bare hands and smear the blood victoriously on their foreheads. But the most important commonality is that there is a silent fear at the back of every head that the marvelous time which we had together is going to end soon as life is going to send all of us on separate paths and with no guarantee that we shall have ever a moment with all our friends together.

This was exactly why all our friends from the glorious albeit infamous FG4TG decided that it would be fun to go on a trip before some of our friends go onsite, some go for higher studies and some rot in the same old hell better known as office. And like it is a golden rule of all events with more than one person, that the arranging of the event turns out to be a fiasco (GRE Word :D). First we argue on the location, then the duration and finally when we decide for a one-day trip on the weekend, it boils down to half people vouching for Sunday and half insisting on Saturday. But in the end we managed to get a consensus on Saturday the 14th day of June 2008. The venue was going to be the ghats of Malshej which according to Kshitij was a heaven of Waterfalls, but according to someone else was a haven for the drunken tourists of the entire Maharashtra. But we claimed of even worse drunkards in our troop, names withheld, so we decided to go ahead with the plan. On Friday we started our preparation for the trip with Kunal arranging for transport, Kshitij arranging for the route of the bus (which again was a disputed topic) and the boarding point for the public. Meanwhile I was reading on the internet about Friday the Thirteenth as that day was 13th June 2008 and a Friday. And as I read ridiculously unbelievable stories about how 13 people on one gathering are bound to call upon ill-fate on themselves, I kept laughing at how absurd can people get with the fear of the number 13. My ridicule was short lived as the next morning I got to know that the number of people who had agreed to the trip had come to 13. And how much ever irritating our stupid driver was, I was glad that he formed the 14th member of our squad and rid me of my anxiety.

Saturday dawned and all of us worked hard to meet the departure time of 6:30. Nishikant and me reached Tejas Office, Kothrud at 7:10. We saw the indistinct mane of Amey (which would have put Queen Latifa’s hairstyle to shame) who had arrived some time ago. The bus reached there at around 7:15 with Kuldeep, Rewa, Devi and her husband Manish. Kshitij with wife, Truppti (NOT a spelling mistake, that’s the numerology conspiracy) announced their royal arrival at around 7:20, and we managed to settle down and leave from Kothrud at 7:30, as planned – 6:30 Pakistan Time. Till then we had received a threatening sms from Varsha, and we assured her that the bus would pick up her royal highness in a while. But the super blow came from Sagar and wife, Shubhangi, who kept us waiting at Bremen Circle (Pronounced Brahmin Circle by Kunal) for a good one hour. During this time we got a deep insight into the driver’s persona who kept abusing Sagar for delaying the trip and it looked that the driver was more eager than us for the trip. Around the same time he started off with stories of how lively our group was and how boring were the other trips he had been to. He gave an example of a trip he had been to some days back where the troop consisted of old people who did nothing on the trip but eat. And as everyone else applauded the humor in his statement, I quietly slid back the packet of potato chips which I had flicked from Amey’s bag. Finally we picked up Kunal who was waiting for the bus since early morning and had to have a bath because of the delay of the bus. Thank heavens for the delay. So finally we left Pune at 9 am – 6:30 Nairobi Time.

The trip started with basic chit-chatting about how each of us was doing in their professional life. This was where all of us got to bitch about their company and bosses and how much everyone’s job sucked more compared to the others. And just as we got out of town, we started feeling hungry from the excessive manual labour we had been through waiting for Sagar at Brahmin circle. So we decided to wait at a place and have a hearty breakfast. The food was pretty okay, except from the fact that my missal looked liked noodles and Kunal’s pav-bhaji tasted like mutton kheema. But we were so excited about the trip that we gave all this a blind eye and moved ahead with our journey. The monsoon made its presence felt by a sending a fresh downpour and the green lush environment started looking greener and more pleasant.

For the next part of the journey, our jobs were forgotten and we moved into the picnic mode. Varsha had just removed her original Harley-Davidson cap from her bag and it was photograph time. I desperately needed a picture for Orkut so I was the first to don the cap and start posing with umpteen cameras dazzling me by their flashes. The battalion of paparazzi included Sagar looking like a cameraman for some ingrate Marathi Newspaper. Nishikant with his cellphone camera looked like a huge fan that had just bumped into his favorite actor. Amey with his crazy hair gave an impression that he was at some crazy Kavi-Sammelan clicking the snaps of people who shred poetry to bits and stomp over them. Devi, climbing upon seats trying to get the best pose possible made me feel as if I was some hippopotamus in a muddy pond being photographed by a National Geographic photographer. And finally Kshitij who would have easily passed through as a photographer for the fashion magazine “Vogue”, as his one hand was holding the camera and the other hand was holding his low waist jeans. So after some countless flashes I relinquished the cap to the next person who gave a couple of poses for his Orkut photo before passing it on. We have hardly moved forward when one particular individual could not control the massive generation of fluid inside his body because of the 2 cans of beer that he had consumed. Some of the other guys got down to lend the poor chap some company. That was when I realized that the green banana farms behind would be a good background for a Orkut snap. As my photo session started, one by one every other person stepped out of the bus. So then a couple of minutes and a thousand snaps later we decided that it was time to move on.

Back into the bus, we decided to start our merriment by singing songs, but to add a different dimension to it we decided to sing the most pathetic songs we could think of. But Mr. Manish misunderstood the concept as singing the songs in the most pathetic way possible. Firstly he started off with some old songs, but then he shifted focus to the famous song “Khwaja mere Khwaja” from Jodha-Akhbar. The pitch which he generated was simply unbelievable and I thought that as he was sitting right behind the driver, the driver would at any point of time pull out the gearbox and stuff it down his throat. But our driver was enjoying the atrocities which were inflicted on us. I bet I saw another car swirling by whose glass was shattered by the melody of Manish’s voice, most probably as the driver lost control not knowing what exactly hit him. Then the concentration of our maestro was diverted to the great “Himesh Reshammiya” as he started appending “Tum” after every line of song he sung. After the Himesh rage, we managed to soothe Manish into coming back to the normal world and sing some average person songs. But the nail in the head came when we all started singing “Satyam shivam sundaram” and the divine aura of Balasubhramaniyam descended into him. This object (Manish) started imitating the laughter perfectly of the singer in this song. Then he improvised by including the laughter in every subsequent act of his. I mean imagine someone singing “Kya se kyaa .. hooo gaaaayyyaaaa”, pause broken by Manish saying “Ha ha ha”, then the rest resuming “ Bewafaaaa, tere pyaar mein”. After this the journey was haunted by every sentence accompanied by a “Ha Ha Ha” either by Manish or the other cast of the crew who had picked up the annoying laughter.

So then what was our next stop??? Yeah you guessed it right.. we stopped for lunch. I am sure that by this time the driver had realized that this troop was exactly the same as the old people he had driven before as all we did was eat. But I guess he kept quiet as he feared that if he expressed his opinion freely, Manish would lock himself in the bus along with the driver and give him a dose of “Khwaja Mera Khwaja” with peaks of “Tum” and “Ha ha ha” scattered in between. Anyway, while we waited for lunch people started off the photo shoot. Locations included the top of the tempo, a dried up fountain with Manish and me posing as if we were drowning. Then the guys walking together aiming for the Kaante pose, and the girls catwalking together trying to imitate what the guys did but ending up with snaps of clinging to each other and giggling their hearts out of their mouths.

The photo-session ended, thankfully, when rain crashed the party and all had to rest their asses in peace. However this was the time when Kshitij who had devoured more than a gallon (US unit :P) of beer, started explain his theory of hangovers removal. He claimed that the best way to get rid of a hangover was to drink beer, and this was supported by a graph, which is a steep drop in case you try to be sober, but which turns into a gradual curve if we have a beer. Cheers!!

In the meantime food was served, and this was when I went into a state of Nirvana. What happened for the next 30-45 minutes? I have no memories. All I remember is the beautifully sculpted leg piece of the chicken, as if the Gods had especially posted it from the heavens in my name. Life went slow-motion, the cries of the people slowly died out and I achieved a state of total tranquil. All I can recall now is the delicious taste of the food. Veggies, I forgive thy ignorance for it is why chicken is affordable to us. Non-Veggies, I guess I have total unison here!

After lunch the crowd went wild. We could now see the beauty of nature, as the spell of the chicken was broken as soon as the last drop of gravy was drained from the Handi. The clouds had settled on the ground and the fog was become denser and denser. Soon we set off in the direction of Malshej ghat which was now just 4-5Kms away. People were now asking the driver whether they could sit on the top of the bus as he drove through the ghats and to our surprise he obliged. As soon as he said yes, most of the public ran out and at one point when it looked like all of us would climb to the top, he asked some of us to stay back and balance the weight. So it was all the heavy-weights, Kunal, Nishikant, Amey, Manish, Rewa (!!!), Devi (Ignore this one), Sagar & Family on top of the bus. And the remaining feather-weights, Varsha, Kuldeep, Kshitij, Truppti and me trying to balance the half a ton which was on the top of the bus. The driver drove for a good 15-20 minutes before he settled on a nice spot and parked the bus there. Meanwhile Kshitij had changed to shorts and the discussion which went between him and Truppti (his wife) is as follows:
Kshitij: Hey Truppti, wanna go out and have some fun in the rain???

Truppti: Sorry, I can’t. I have a sinus problem, Remember???

Before Truppti had even completed her statement, the doors of the bus burst open and Kshitij hands spread out, as though they were wings, ran out in the rain screaming “Yay, Yay!!!!!” as if the Yerawada Prison had broken open and the inmates serving life-sentences were on their own. By the time Truppti completed her statement, Kshitij had vanished into the fog and what was left behind was the displacement of fog cause by his vigorous hopping. The people on the top of the bus, held their breaths as they noticed this torpedo shoot out of the bus into the fog.

The driver seeing this entire drama, felt an enhanced sense of security as he too was miles apart from this wife and could enjoy the freedom with us all. He urged us to go dancing in the rain, while he blasted the CD player at full sound. The scene was a party with loud music, people dancing on top of the bus, people flying, with arms wide open, in the fog and one particular individual with his hands behind his head and his pelvic thrusts. Then one by one almost everyone came out from the bus and started dancing.

This was a feeling of a lifetime to be in the rain, dancing and with all our friends around us. After a good one hour of dancing we decided it was enough time spent at one spot and we got back into the bus. As chivalrous as we are, we decided that it would be good to let the girls change before they catch a cold. So we got all the girls into the bus and all the guys out of it, except the driver who was busy hunting for the track “Kombdi Palali” in his CD. We had to drag him out saying that we’ve had enough dance, we don’t need any more now. The next 25 minutes were the longest of my life, where 6 guys were trying to hide from the rain behind one umbrella. Though we were already wet we realized that dancing in the rain is a different thing as compared to standing in the rain waiting for girls to get ready. Everyone was shivering from the lack of physical movement, but I’m glad for neither of us was ready for thrusts under the umbrella.

Suddenly what struck us was the abrupt drop of PJ’s in the atmosphere. This could mean just two things, either all of us had gone deaf or Nishikant was missing. To our glad relief it was the latter case, but even this was turning out a cause of worry as time passed and there was still no trace of Nishi. In the meantime it was the year 2050 and the girls finally managed to get ready. We leaped inside the bus to protect ourselves from the rain and were greeted by the aroma of perfumes and cosmetics. The BLOODDDDDYYYY females were doing bloody make-up while the rest of us were freezing our drenched asses out in the rain. Anyway, we had a bigger problem at hand as Nishi was still missing. This was when the driver grabbed a jacket from the bus and announced, “This is a job for the protector of oppressed, the defender the weak and the knight in shining armour for Nishikant!”. He stormed out into the fog and now we were wondering whether we would have to go searching for him as well. Thankfully after some 5-10 minutes the driver stormed back into the bus declaring that he had managed to find Nishi who was found sitting under a tree, and while Nishi claimed that he had lost his way in the fog and wasn’t able to find his way back, the driver kept insisting that this was a matter of love and Nishi has been tortured and demented in love which lead to him sitting all alone in the fog under a tree. Whereas another dimension to the story came from Kunal who said that our love-struck hero was attending to an urgent nature’s call and the fog provided him with the perfect camouflage. The driver meantime had developed on the “hurt in love” story and started warning us all about the effects and side-effects of love. It took Kunal some really intimate discussion with the driver to cool him down and make him concentrate on the driving. We decided that this much adventure for the day was enough and we should be heading back home.

The journey back started off pretty quietly as most of us were very tired from the entire episode that happened before. Everyone was now drowsy and most were taking a good nap in their seats. For the next one hour all we could hear is the chattering of the driver and Kunal, who had taken up an immediate liking to each other. And in the only sound except the two chatting was the symphony of the rain splattering and the humming of the wipers. Manish claimed that tomorrow Kunal will have a new friend request on Orkut from the driver :) . At around 5 in the evening we stopped at a small village to grab a cup of tea. Here we had tea, bhajiyas and another photo session :D.

Soon we were back into the bus, the energy levels lifted and in mood for some more merriment. We started off with Kshitij taking a video of all the people present with a running commentary and then we switched to nursery rhymes from our childhood and soon the nostalgic mood took over. We sang advertisement, title songs of serials like Jai Hanuman, Mowgli, Potli Baba ki and every damn thing that could be sung or recited from our childhood. But then the driver lost his patience with our songs and asked us to sing something fresh. Then I have no clue what we sung .. but we sang in all ways possible, duets with guys singing the guy’s lines and girls singing the girl’s. Old songs, new songs, Amitabh bachchan songs, Govinda songs, Anil Kapoor songs, Kishore Kumar songs but it was “Ek chatur naar” sung mostly by Amey that mesmerized the driver. Maybe we were more concerned about the likes and dislikes of Kunal’s best friend, than our own. The driver by this time had found another friend in Kuldeep, who was sitting beside the driver now and had impressed him with troubleshooting of the bus’s hardware. Whenever the wiper of the bus stopped working Kuldeep used to hit something beneath the dashboard and the wiper would miraculously start working. This came to him naturally, as even in office whenever any hardware box fails; Kuldeep’s job is to hit the box in strategic locations till it starts working. And now it was my turn to do something crazy, considering that my quota of craziness was still unused. I started with the U S of A attitude, chanting “Yo, man” after every 500ms. And then every song sung by me was with an English accent. Nishikant, Amey and Manish further helped me mix the songs to our flavour. Amey, Manish and me were converting the song to English sub-titles, hence “toota –toota ek parinda” became “broken bird, broken bird” with Amey mixing it a bit as “bi-bi-bi-bird” and “Allah ke bande” translated to “God’s dudes”. Manish at one point of time replaced “Kajra re, Kajra re” as “Ointment, Ointment” till we told him that “Eye-liner, Eye-liner” would be a better choice. Nishi in the meantime was taking the names of all the people even remotely connected to the song and calling them on the dance floor, so when we were singing “Hum tum ek cubicle mein band ho, aur access card kho jaye”, Nishi was yelling – “Yo, yo, yo this is Dimple, the mother of Twinkle on the dance floor!!”. In this entire chaos we had no clue when half the people got down on the way and when we reached Tejas office. One thing we do recall is the faces of people on the road trying to peep into our bus, trying to get a hint of what exactly was taking place inside. That was our stop we got out there, made our way back home and caught a good night’s sleep.

This one day trip has given us more memories than most of our previous quests, as this time we spent more time inside the bus with each other than outside. Even more memorable it will be as Kunal and I are down with fever and cold. As I write this I have been taking breaks to wipe the fluid off my nose with my sleeves and now it’s time to wring the shirt as it has reached its saturation point. My head is heavy and aching once in a while, the coughs are reminding me that I forgot to mention cough, but this shall all vanish in a few days, hopefully. But what will be left behind is the array of Orkut Pics, sweet memories (check the spelling) and a sense of fulfillment that the trip, which most of us think would be our last, was such a block-buster success.